Kindergarten Graduation

Today was a momma-heart-walking-around-outside-my-body day. Today was B's kindergarten graduation.  Which I had thought was not going to be a big deal.  We did this last year too.  I wasn't sure I was going to get over to the elementary school for the ceremony.  Today was an exam day at the middle school. Plus, we had a million other things going on.  I had tried to prep B last night for the possibility that I wouldn't be there.  I told him no matter what, Ms. Lori would be there.  Ms. Lori is our neighbor and one of my best friends.  But thanks to my super awesome sister-in-law/school counselor covering my class I was able to make it!

As I walked into the elementary school I encountered Mrs. Valenta, who lets Brennan play with her tassel necklaces. Today he told her she had on a double tassel necklace.  Next I ran into Mrs. Bryant.  She had just let Brennan button and unbutton her jacket for the last ten minutes.  I found Brennan and told me he was nervous.  Mr. Smith confirmed this by telling me Brennan had to be convinced to come to the awards.

Brennan did a great job during the ceremony.  He sat on the floor with his class.  He stood in line and waited his turn to get his envelope of awards.  He hugged his teacher and returned to his seat.  About halfway through the next class Brennan got up and came towards me at the back of the gym.

B and his #1 pal Mr. Smith

"Momma, do you mind if I have a little chat with Mr. Smith? It's about our buddyship."

I should stop here to say that it's been a rough year.  I don't want to get into all of but, suffice it to say that B could not handle his regular classroom.  Mr. Smith is the behavioral specialist at the elementary school.  Brennan has been self-contained with Mr. Smith for most of the spring.  In May, Brennan told the neurologist that Mr. Smith was his #1 pal.
Brennan, Mr. Smith and I walked to the back of the gym.  Brennan's eyes were big with big tears.

"Mr. Smith, our buddyship has come to an end.  We can't be buddies anymore.  I have to go to 1st grade.  We wouldn't be in the same class anymore. I can't do it.  I'm really nervous to go to 1st grade. I can't write 100 sentences in 1st grade.  I wouldn't be with you anymore." (some of this is paraphrased.  I was alternately trying not to cry and trying not to laugh).

Mr. Smith did a great job of reassuring B that 1st grade would be great.  And that even though he was going to be in a regular class, they would see each other everyday.  I teared up.  Mrs. Bryant and Mrs. Tutle (the principal and B's #2 pal) were nearby and they teared up as well.

I thought my heart would burst.  I was so proud of how Brennan handled his emotions.  He didn't meltdown.  He expressed himself beautifully.  It really summed up the year of growth he's had and what a huge role Mr. Smith played in that growth.

Please don't buy the lie that autistic kids aren't emotional.  Sometimes it's a matter of being able to express those emotions.  Today Brennan was able to express himself.  We'll see about tomorrow.

Acceptance vs. Awareness

Last week I wrote about what our family would like you be aware of regarding autism.  I also wrote about the need for autism acceptance. This week let's talk about what acceptance looks like vs. awareness.  Please remember these are true for our family.  Autism is a spectrum disorder. Each person with autism is effectively differently.

What would you add? How can you work to accept autistic people?

April is Autism...

The most common ending to that sentence is awareness month.  I'd like to see us (ya know, society) move past awareness to acceptance.  I do understand that awareness leads to acceptance so here are some things our family would like to make you aware of about autism.

Me
I'd like you to be aware that every kid, autistic or not, is different.  Every kid has challenges.  We need to do what we can to help kids handle their challenges effectively.  My autistic kiddo needs a little more time, direction, patience and love to handle his challenges that my neurotypical kiddos.

Please also be aware that while my autistic kiddo speaks, ALOT, he still has trouble communicating.  Most of the time he's repeating things he's heard or talking about a favorite subject.

Ryan
Don't take things personally.  Some things he says or does are almost involuntary.  Sometimes B says things in mid-meltdown that are rude or hurtful but I know he's not himself.  But mostly remember that they are very special people.

Sam
Autism is a challenge but you have to accept it.  NOTE: I swear he didn't know what I was writing about.  I just told him "I'm writing a blog about Autism Awareness Month. What would you want people to know about autism?'

Zac
Have patience with people who have autism.


If you choose to donate money to an organization this April, would you please consider donating to the National Autism Association?  Roughly 48% of autistic children wander.  Some die of a result. According to the NAA, in 2009, 2010 and 2011, accidental drowning accounted for 90% total U.S. deaths reported in children with ASD ages 14 and younger subsequent to wandering/elopement. To help families keep children safe, the NAA offers the Big Red Box. They can only provide these boxes as funds are available.  Please click here to donate $35 to help provide a box to a family.

The Anatomy of a Meltdown

We had a doozy of a meltdown today.  Very public, at church.  I'll break it down for you.

THE TRIGGER - this is it.  The THING.  This starts the meltdown.  This morning is was lemonade.  Or, more precisely, the absence of lemonade.  Our church has a hospitality area with coffee and donuts.  In the winter months they also have hot chocolate, in the summer, lemonade.  This morning, B wanted lemonade.  We've been in Florida this past week and it was warm there. So, in B's mind, it's time for lemonade.

At this point, actually at all points of the meltdown, this looks like a temper tantrum.  He's screaming, "I want lemonade" and crying.

It's best to remove him from the situation, to try to switch his gears.  So we go into the sanctuary.  I got a short reprieve at the this point to talk to a couple of friends because Ryan took him to the bathroom.

We met up in the sanctuary and B is still agitated.  He doesn't want to sit down with us.  An usher approaches us at this time (which is usually not advisable) to offer some lavender essential oil.  I rub it on my hands and try to grab B to let him breathe it in.  He's not having it.  He still protesting loudly saying he wants to be alone.  At his age, we do not let him be alone mid-meltdown for safety reasons.

I keep calmly asking him if I can try to help him.  He finally lets me up please him (pick him up) and we go to the far corner of the sanctuary by the exit doors.  He lays on his back, I sit down on the floor with my back to the congregation and rub his tummy.  The usher comes back and gives me peace and calming essential oils that I rub on my hands.  I wave my hands over B's face so he can smell my hands.  I keep rubbing his tummy and head.  I'm not sure how many minutes this takes but it lasts through the welcome, greeting your neighbors and part of the first song. Midway through the first song, B bundles up in my lab.  I rock him.  He's coming down now.

I turn to face the front and begin to sing.  B is curled up in my lab, his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes are closed.  We stay on the floor cuddling, rocking and praising.  The sermon begins.  About three fourths of the way through the sermon, B tells me he wants his tablet.  I explain this means going back to our seats with.  We join my mom, Sam and Ryan at our seats.  B plays happily on his new Mickey Mouse art app with his headphones on.  He knows what's happening around him. He answers when the congregation is asked to repeat. The headphones just help him filter.  

After church, he is tired.  He doesn't talk as much as usual.  He's very, very thirsty.  These was a reason he wanted lemonade, after all.  We run a few errands.  He gets a Sprite that he guzzles down.  At home he plays a while then naps.  We are both exhausted.

What can you do if you witness a meltdown?

• Don't make any assumptions.  Unless you know the family, there's really no way to know if it's a temper tantrum or a meltdown.  Best not to make any comments.
• Offer help in the form of a question: "may I offer....?" "Is there anything I can do?"
• Don't be surprised if getting the trigger item doesn't help.  The kiddo may be too far gone to realize what you're offering or the parent might not have wanted them to have it to begin with.  
• Don't offer bribes.  A sucker can not stop a meltdown.  B has to get calm first.  Then he will take your candy for sure.  
• Try not to stare.  This is so hard but so necessary.
• Explain what's happening to your kids so they don't stare "B's just having a hard time right now.  Let's give him some space"
• Give some space.  Sam used to have fever seizures.  All we could do was wait them out then help him recover.  B's meltdowns are similar.  We try to help him come out of it then help him recover.  
• Pray.  Meltdowns are hard on everyone.  They are hard on B, they are hard on us and I'm sure they are hard to watch.  Pray for B's safety and for a calming spirit.  

Questions? Ask away!