Systems

I'm a fan of systems. They bring order to chaos and make life easier. If you have a system in place, it's easier to get people to help you.  You can give them clear directions about what to do to make the system work. 

I also like designing systems.  Start with an outcome and work backwards.  It's probably why I enjoy making how to pages for my teachers and students.  Step by step pictures and words of what to do.

I try to design systems at home too.  Here's what we're going to buy each month at Sam's Club, divide it into baggies for lunches, hide the baggies, have enough food for school lunches all month.  Here's all the meat we're going to buy at Sam's Club, cook some of it, divide it into meal portions, freeze, eat later.  Easy peasy.  Breakfast each morning is egg and sausage burritos.  Sunday night, make the egg and sausage mix.  Breakfast is ready.

Creating a new system is my solution to a problem.  For example, B has a hard time at before school care.  How can we change our routine/system to take him to school at time instead of early to before school care? 

A few weeks ago, we had a parent teacher conference with B's teachers and found out that he should be reading 100 minutes a week at home.  Yep, that's gonna require a system. B likes to come home from school and be done with 'school things'. So job one was to convince him that reading is a life thing not a school thing.  Momma-librarian for the win!

Next, I created a visual system for B to see how many minutes he has read and how many are left read.  I divided a 100 bill into 10 sections.  I wanted him to see that he could eat the elephant in small bites.  I also wanted to remind him that his reward at school is classroom dollars. 


The first week was awesome! He was super excited to color in sections.  Also, we went to Dav Pilkey in Frisco - he read all the way there and for 30 minutes while we waited.  He was so excited to show his teacher when he colored in all the sections.

Of course, it's living the system that's the rub. He's supposed to read 100 minutes every week, not just one week.  He's not as excited about the chart.  He likes it but I have to remind him to read and color in sections.  He's happy to do it but he's not reminding me that it needs to be done yet.

Sticking with the system is crucial though.  So, I'll set reminders to remind him until it's second nature.  Once the system is second nature, that's when it's really a benefit. 

Are you a systems person or do you fly by the seat of your pants?

20 Sweet Years

Today is our 20th wedding anniversary.  This is another "I can't believe it" moment for me (see last week's discussion about being a grown up).  Marriage is not easy but it's worth it.  We've come so far and learned so much.  Today I'd like to share the top 5 things I've learned by being married for 20 years.

1. Ask for what you want/need. I learned this one right away.  When we were first married we lived in a tiny L shaped apartment.  After dinner Ryan would sit on the couch and watch TV while I flitted back and forth doing nothing but looking very busy at it.  Of course at the time I felt I was very busy doing very important things and that he was doing nothing.  One day I finally said "Are you going to do ANYTHING around here?" to which he replied "Are you ever going to sit down and watch TV with me?" A light bulb went off in my head. We both wanted the other to do something but hadn't asked. So, I started asking. When Ryan was working nights, I told him I needed help with chores.  I taught him how I wanted the clothes washed and he took over the laundry.  To this day he does all the laundry!

2. You don't have to do everything together.  When I was in grad school I wanted to bid on golf lessons in a department silent auction.  My would be coach asked me why I wanted to learn.  "To hang out with Ryan."  She marked my name off the list and told me "I'm not going to teach you. It's the only time I fight with my husband. Let him go golf, you go do something else." One time a newlywed friend told me that she and her new husband were fighting at the grocery store. They were fighting about the brands and what to buy and, in my opinion, a bunch of other stupid stuff.  It never occurred to me to take Ryan to the grocery store with me. Luckily, he's not a picky eater and is not too particular about brands. I shop and cook. If he doesn't like it, he'll usually let me know and then I don't make it again.

3.  Know what your partner needs to refill their energy.  Ryan knows I need LOTS of sleep.  He also knows that I need time with my girls.  I know that he likes to watch TV.  As a result, whenever I say "I"m going to bed" he kisses me goodnight and doesn't hassle me about it.  The flip side of that, I try to make sure things are handled and settled before I go to bed so he can just sit and watch TV.  Similarly, if I'm going to be gone for the weekend with my girlfriends, I talk to him and make a plan for him and the boys while I'm gone.  I don't just say "peace out" and leave them high and dry.   I used to make dinner for all the nights I'd be gone but I don't do that anymore.

4. Know your love language, know his and do something about it.  One of my love languages is receiving gifts.  Ryan's does not share this love language so it's not always easy for him.  I'm not always great at this but I try to let Ryan know when I'm expecting a gift.  And sometimes I give him a list or options. He's very good and often will buy what's on the list and surprise me with something else.  I do love to be surprised and he often does surprise me. But if it's a big event and I want a gift I try to let him know so I'm not disappointed.

5. Recognize what the other person does in the relationship and family.  Ryan recently gave me a big compliment "Being you is not easy.  I've been you a few days and I struggled. You make it look easy but it's hard." (that may not be a direct quote but that was the gist).  It was really nice to hear that he understands what I contribute to our family and that he appreciates it. Ryan works very hard on our yard. It matters to him and it shows.  I try to make sure to acknowledge his hard work.

So there you go, my top 5 marriage tips.  I didn't let Ryan read this first so I'm interested to hear his take on these things.  What's your tips for marriage?

Dav Pilkey!

On Sunday, B and I went to see author Dav Pilkey.  Dav Pilkey is the author of the Captain Underpants and Dog Man graphic novel series.  I've written about him before.  B-man loves Dog Man!

Thankfully, the event organizers communicated very clearly before the event.  I did have to buy a ticket that included entry for 2 people and a signed copy of Dav's new book.  The organizers let us know that they were expected 3000 people, that Mr. Pilkey would speak for 30 minutes starting at 2 pm, doors would open at 12:30 and our order for the meet and greet was our ticket number. 

I explained all this to B before we left and I let him know that he was in control.  As soon as he was ready to go, we would leave.  He asked if he would get to take a picture with Dav Pilkey. I told him we could but our ticket number was 904 so we would be 904th in line.  He said "ummm, I don't know about that."

When we arrived there was a line outside to get in.  A line that started out on the sidewalk, went through the parking garage, down a hall then into the building.  Immediately, B needed to go to the bathroom. Usually this would be an emergency.  But he did well. He waited in line patiently until we got inside and he could use the bathroom.  I did smuggle a book in in my purse so he could read in line. 

We checked in and got B's signed book.  There were activities in the concourse: face painting, balloon animals, selfie stations and characters.  B just wanted to go inside the arena.

On our way into the arena we could smell pizza.  B, of course, wanted some.  I pointed out the line and he said no thanks. They were giving out posters, capes and other swag.  Again, B did not want to wait in line. I let B choose our seats.  He chose to sit up high in the seats on the side (versus on the floor). It was 1:30 by the time we got to our seat. 

They played music, showed videos and had Captain Underpants and Dog Man available for photos.  He sat and read for the entire 30 minute wait.  My mommy-librarian heart was so happy!

I loved Mr. Pilkey's talk! He told the kids about 3 important Ps - positivity, practice and perseverance.  He talked about his rough childhood having dyslexia and ADHD. He talked about how many times his first book was rejected.  B was totally tuned in, hanging on every word. 

During the talk, they gave away gift bags for answering questions.  B didn't win one and he even took that in stride!

After the talk they called numbers 0-100 to go meet Mr. Pilkey while a lady on the stage called numbers to win more prizes.  B started playing on my phone.  When she called 101-200 B asked when we could leave.  Right now, if you want, man.  So we left.  He had said he wanted a picture with Captain Underpants and Dog Man.  When walked out the way we came and didn't see them. I asked him if he wanted to go around the other way to find them.  "No, they probably took their suits off already" he whispered. 

I am so proud of B! He knew his limits and didn't have a problem letting me know in a calm manner.  He loves his new book.  On the way home we were able to talk about being positive, practicing and sticking with things.  All things B-man, and all of us, can stand to work on. 

The Bubble

Several weeks ago I laid in bed worrying about a multitude of insignificant things that seemed monumental at the time. Now I don't even remember exactly what what keeping me up.  What I do remember is the sense of a bubble growing around me - the worry bubble.

The worry bubble is all consuming. It closes you in from every side.   It surrounds you.  Everything you see or hear or touch is filtered through the bubble.  It's all you can see.  A permanent Instagram filter.  The bubble is suffocating.  The bubble puts distance between you and everything and everyone else.

A worry wart - what an ugly but appropriate saying.  Worrying is ugly.  Picture someone worrying.  Are they smiling?  No, usually worriers are knitting their brows together, frowning.  You don't want to sit down beside a worry wart and strike up a conversation.  I picture Debbie Downer. No one likes Debbie Downer, not even Debbie (except in this Debbie Downer skit where everyone cracks up - it's one of my favorites).

I used to be a world champion worry wart.  Two things remedied this.  B-man and a revelation. 

First B-man - there were literally not enough hours in the day to worry about everything to do with B.  Before he could speak, he got pneumonia 3 times.  All three times one day he had a runny nose and cough and the next he spiked a high fever and had pneumonia. The first time he had it the doctor was working to keep him out of the hospital and I wanted him in the hospital.  I was so worried I was going to do something to make him worse.  After a few years of this, I just couldn't do it anymore.  I was exhausted.

Second a revelation - around this same time I learned, I think from Beth Moore, that worrying is a sin. Worrying is a manifestation of not trusting God. When I worry, I'm telling God that I don't trust Him to take care of me. 

And yet...it's not that easy. The bubble still comes at night.  So what to do? 

1. I pray.  I thank God for everything He's done for me.  I recall a time He's taken care of me and I thank Him for it.  I visualize physically giving God whatever I'm worrying about. 

2. I worship.  Our brains are definitely like computers in the sense that Garbage In = Garbage Out.  Whatever we put in will come out.  I try to listen to worship music everyday so when I need to access it in my head, it's there.  I can 'play' the music in my head because I've heard it enough. 

3. I remember.  Along the same lines as worship, I try to memorize scripture so I can recall them when I need them.

What do you do?  How to you burst the worry bubble?