Friday, February 5, 2010


This is my Pilly.  It's a comfort blanket of sorts.  I don't remember exactly when I got pilly but I do know it's the same time I started sleeping with the TV on and I learned (through the news, thankfully) what rape is.  But that's a story for a shrink.  She was originally part of a set of sheets my Momma had.  Actually, I still have one of the sheets in case we need to make an emergency Pilly. 

Pilly has been on 4 or 5 drill team trips (stealthily hidden under my Stingerette Lil Sis Pillowcase), a ski trip, lots of family vacations including Denmark.  Much to Pilly's chagrin she didn't make the trips to France or Hawaii.  Pilly has lived in my childhood home, 2 run down dorms, a sorority house, and a couple of ratty apartments.  Pilly was with me on my wedding night (what!?! I had a raging sinus infection - don't judge).  Before you ask, yes Pilly is clean.  She looks dirty because she's so worn out  well loved.   And yes, she has been repaired in the past by turquoise thread that didn't match. 

Shorty after Ryan and I married, I retired Pilly to her cryogenic chamber.  About a year later she emerged when my Daddy was diagnosed with cancer and died.  She stayed out most of 2000.  When Sambo was born I put her away again.  Last January she reemerged (but stayed under my pillow) when I thought we were moving to New York and I would have to break this news to my Momma.  After Momma found her and 'outed' me, she was quickly returned to her chamber.

For the better part of this past month, our family has been dealing with the possibility that Brennan has Cystic Fibrosis.  Brennan (and I) had to endure a sweat test.  That number came back normal but too high.  Our doctor wanted to repeat the test but Ryan and I didn't want to put him through that again so we asked if there was an alternative.  A blood test that maps Brennan's entire genetic make up was ordered.  This required quite a bit of blood but was easier than that sweat test.  Yesterday our sweet nurse, Linda, called to say that Brennan does not have CF.  I thanked her, spread the word to Ryan and concerned family and friends.  Then busted out in tears for about 10 minutes.  At my desk.  With a room full of 8th graders.  I was so relieved.  I was so thankful.  I was reminded of how blessed we are. 

I knew I had been worried about this but I didn't realize how much until it was gone.  During the last month, I found myself picturing a life of  raising funds and awareness for CF.  I thought about how we would tell the big boys that Brennan was ill.  I even starting exploring work at home jobs so I could have more flexibility when he gets sick.  I was so happy that this wouldn't be our future (although my heart still breaks for those families who will get the 'other' call).  I praised and cried on and off all day.

And, amazingly, Pilly stayed esconced in her chamber through it all.  I didn't even think of her until I was running this morning and composing this post.  Is it possible that, at age 35, I've developed more advanced coping skills?  Only time will tell.  Brennan's road is still rocky and long (thank you Jesus).  We are treating him for asthma and praying for smoother sailing.  But, I feel comfortable keeping Pilly in her chamber through it all. 

So, help me feel more normal (is that possible) you have a comfort object?

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