Wednesday, April 24, 2019

Disappointment

I've been on this earth almost 45 years.  Let that sink in.  I stand by my assertion that I often feel like I'm 12 years old, wondering who in the world put me in charge of all this and when will they figure out that I'm only 12?  I've had many disappointments in those 45 years.  I've had some downright rejections that hurt immensely. 

Disappointment is different to me though. Disappointment happens when you knew there was a chance things wouldn't work in your favor.  You knew you might not be successful so you're not destroyed but you're still upset.  Make sense?

As a momma, it's been hard to learn how to help my boys through the disappointments in their lives.  Especially when you're disappointed too. 

First and foremost, I have to check my emotions.  Why am I disappointed?  I need to deal with myself quickly and quietly so I can move on to their emotions. 

Secondly, acknowledge their feelings.  There's nothing worse than being told to settle down when you're upset.  If I could settle down, I would.  So, don't do that to your kids.  Don't tell them it doesn't matter, just get over it. That's sends the signal that you can't be trusted with their emotions.  They'll close up and stop talking.  Let them know that sometimes life sucks, sometimes life isn't fair and that's ok.

Once the feelings are handled, help them see the truth of the situation.  This is tricky because sometimes they screwed up.  But they need to see that, it's the only way for them to get better.  I like to let them uncover this themselves by asking questions.  When all else fails I ask one of my signature questions: were you my kind of ready or your kind of ready?  (see also: is it my kind of clean or your kind of clean?  were you being my kind of nice or your kind of nice?)  If you've raising a self aware kiddo, they'll figure out where they screwed up.

Finally, help them make a plan to move forward.  Again, it's best that the plan is mostly their idea.  But you can ask them questions to help them get to a good plan.  Then follow up and help them execute their plan.

It's important that they know you love them and you believe in them through out the process.  Don't forget to encourage them.  Take the opportunity to remind them that GOD has a plan and He has their best interests at play in that plan.  And that disappointment doesn't last forever.



What do you think?  How do you help your kids when they face disappointments?

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