Tuesday, December 27, 2016


My oldest son Sam, recently turned 16. We were able to get him a nice used truck.  He's very excited about it.  

I am scared to death.  

It's a good truck.  He's a good driver, he's completed driver's education and the practice driving  He received a backup camera as a combo birthday and Christmas gift from some sweet and generous family members.  Logically, everything is good to go.  

My stomach knows no such logic.  

Christmas night he drove us to and from my in laws.  He did a great job.  As he was pulling into the neighborhood, I realized that in a week or so he'd be able to drive without Ryan or I in the car.  I almost had a full on panic attack.  

It will be ok, I reasoned.  I'll only let him drive to school and back for the first few months.  That'll work.  Oh, what about church? No problem, he can drive to school and church only.  But what if he wants to go to Chick Fil A after church?  Maybe the one up by the mall, that might be alright if there's not a lot of traffic.  But the one in Forney, NO WAY! He'd have to get on the highway - AT NIGHT!! 

You get the idea, my crazy was spiraling out of control.  

How will he do if Ryan and I aren't there to remind him?  How long before I get that faithful phone call, "Momma, I've had a wreck"?  My mind went wild with assorted crash craziness. This was not a passing thing.  I brought it inside and played with it for a while.  I was edge and cranky.  

Then I remembered something my pastor Randy Wade says, "If you can control everything why do you need GOD?"  If I can care for Sam and protect him all on my own, why does he need a Heavenly Father?  

How does that work, exactly?  How do I stop being in control? I how do I trust GOD to care for my boys?  

Most of us have heard 1 Peter 5:7 - "Cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."

Wouldn't it be nice if that was a one time thing? I was anxious about Sam driving a few nights ago, I prayed about it and now it's all good.  That's not how it works.  Right this minute, I'm taking deep breaths because just writing about all this has stirred my anxiety.  It's a minute to minute thing.  Praying as soon as the knots start forming in my stomach.  Preemptive prayer.

That's how GOD works. He's a jealous GOD. He doesn't want a one and done relationship with us.  He was a minute by minute reliance.  Maybe He's using Sam driving to pull me closer to him.  To teach me to rely on him minute by minute.  I'll try to be a quick study.  

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