Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Overflow of the heart

In the past few weeks I have been super cranky.  I've tried to hide it because I'm a people pleaser, I want everyone to get along.  Those close to me have heard it.  I'm sure it's been more evident than I'd like to admit.

At first I just ascribed it to end of the year stress.  Or tired momma.  I couldn't really explain it.  I could just say "I'm done."  What does that even mean? Done with what? Done with who?  I'm no spring chicken but it's a little too early to be done with everything.  I don't like feeling this way so I began to pray and ask GOD to reveal the source to me.  I didn't really like the answer: my heart has become bitter.

It was true.  My heart has become bitter. Not in a turn-my-back-on-the-world way.  But definitely in a writing people off way.  That is my pattern, I write people off.  I justify it by saying "They wear me out.  I can't take it anymore. I'm done with them."I want to be free of their drama so I distance.  Which I think is healthy but lately, I haven't really been distancing.  I allow bitterness about the situation to stay.  My words and my feelings reflect that bitterness.

The flip side to this is that I've been waking up with a song on my mind for the past several days.  When Sam and Zac were little, they played Upward basketball at Bethel Lutheran Church.  A part of the program were memory verses.  To help the kids memorize the verses, Upwards provided a CD of original songs of the verses called Scriptunes.  I loved those CDs.  I wish I still had them!  They weren't songs based on the verses but the actual verses set to music.

When I wake up, "you make all things work together for my good" is playing on a loop in my head.  Thank you LORD for the awesome reminder! GOD is still working all things together for my good.

Even when I don't like what's going on around me
Even when I disagree with what's happening
Even when I feel like nothing is going my way
Even when it seems like the wrong person is prospering

Because those things are not my job, they are His.  He is GOD and I am not!

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