Thursday, May 5, 2016

What am I doing?

I am an overthinker.  I like to know what's coming next.  God is working this out of me.  He and I have been walking this path for several years.  But He and I have been down in the dirt getting muddy over this in the past 2 years.

I surrendered to obedience last year.  It's been a wild ride!  I've been obedient even when it's hard. And, good gracious, some of it was hard! I had to go tell someone that I forgive her for upsetting me when she didn't even know I was upset with her.  It was so hard but she was gracious and wonderful.  You can read about how being obedient lead the start of a special needs ministry here.  In the 10 months since Valuable started, I have worked hard to listen to God and be obedient.  We've started classes on two more of our four campuses as a result.

God has confirmed my obedience in one major way.  My stress level.  I am easily stressed. I get worked up easily.  However,  in all things related to Valuable, I've been calm and this lets me know I'm in my element. I documented this feeling in March on Facebook. (I just realized there's a typo in that FB post - it should say "I just provided information" instead of "proved information".  Duh!)

I continue to try to walk in obedience.  I am learning more about special needs ministry.  Last week I was blessed to attend the Orange Conference with other KidMin leaders from c|Life.  I had 4 sessions on Special Needs Ministry.  After the first two sessions I felt tired and overwhelmed.  I prayed.  I asked my sister in law to pray for me as well. God calmed my spirit and reaffirmed my path.

I have felt called to write and speak for a while. When the direction of my path changed from EdTech to Special Needs Ministry, I though that dream would die.  I couldn't figure out a path to speaking and writing on Special Needs Ministry, supporting moms specifically.  I still feel God urging me in that direction.

I did have a bit of a panic attack last week "How will I ever be able to write and speak? What am I supposed to be writing about?  What would I speak to moms about?"  Thursday at Orange we heard many, many speakers.  But, through those speakers, God reaffirmed this calling.  And He reminded me that I'm not supposed to know the path, He is.  That's His job.  He is God and I am not.  Sweet Hallelujah! That night my roommate Laci let me dump everything in my brain on her.  She's so awesome, she was supposed to be writing a paper for her Masters classes but she listened, and listened well.  She made me feel supported and understood.  Then she said, "Maybe you should get a blog".

Oh wait! I have a blog.  I don't have to sit down and write a book tonight.  I can blog. I can document my journey.  So, here I am.  This is what I'm doing.  Writing.  Obeying.  Serving.

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