Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Not Without Hope

Yesterday one of my very best friends, Rachel, shared a video with me.  (Incidentally, today is Rae's birthday! Oh Happy Day!) You might have seen the video on the Today Show's Facebook page.  It was absolutely heartbreaking.  The lady in the video is an autism mom.  She talked about her pain and heartbreak, the secret pain of autism. 

She talks about a particularly rough day with her son and the stares from other parents.  She talked about worrying about her son's future.  I get it, I totally get it.  Our situation is different than hers.  Her son is severely autistic and nonverbal.  B is verbal.  He can communicate and sometimes tell us what he needs.

I worry about a wide range of things as it relates to B.  Both the future and the present.  What will happen tomorrow? How will he live when he's older?  Will he hit anyone at school?  Will he lose it in math today?  Will someone say something hateful to him?  What if someone in his future apartment building tells him that rent went up $200 so they can steal $200 from him? Will I be able to find shoes that he can tolerate?  How's his weight? Is healthy?

We have a wide range of tough conversations as they relate to B.  Conversations at school.  Conversations with other parents.  Conversations with the big boys.  On particularly hard conversation with the big boys was the idea that he may need to live close to one of them after Ryan and I are gone.  Which will lead them to conversations with the people who they will share their lives with. 

I'll tell you what I don't have in common with that other sweet momma - she seems hopeless, or at least low on hope.  I am not without hope.  Because my hope is not found here.  My hope is in the LORD.  Which, I know, will lead people to questions.  The main one may be "How can God allow this?"  Why does God allow anything? To point us to Him, to show his goodness. 

And that's what I see in B, even in his struggles, God's goodness. 

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