Wednesday, March 20, 2019

Public Creativity

Monday evening I was sorting through B's backpack.  I found 6 comics he's written.  I was impressed.  They all followed the same format.  He even has a publisher name.  I couldn't really follow the actual stories because I can't read his writing. 

Later in the evening, I tell him I looked at them and liked them. He was so upset! "Those were my personal project!" He wouldn't talk to me for over an hour.  He took them out of his backpack and hide them in his room. (I asked him if I could take a picture of the covers for this post and he said "no that would be just too much for me?")

At bedtime, we had a little chat.  I apologized for looking at the comics.  I told him I hadn't meant to invade his privacy.  I told him I was so proud of him. Then I listed everything I liked about comics.

B started smiling after I apologized and it only grew after I told him what I liked. He started asking me if I liked certain things in the comics.  It was great because he started explaining the comics to me. 

I also told B that when I was younger, I'd written a series of stories about boy and girl twins, Fred and Rita.  He asked me all kinds of questions about them.  Then he asked me if I like to write. 

"Absolutely, I do! I write every day. I work on my blog.  I want to write a book.  I actually started writing a book once."

"What happened to it?"

"I got stuck. I couldn't figure out what the character should do next.  Can I tell you a secret?  I'm a little afraid of what people think of my writing. I think I'm too afraid to finish."

"Well, how far did you get? 1/2 way done? 1/4th done?"

"Probably, a fourth, maybe less. But I don't want you to ever feel this way.  I want you to feel confident to share your comics or any writing or drawing with people."

Our conversation really warmed my heart.  I felt good that B knew that I valued his creativity and his privacy.  But it also made me think about how I might be transferring my fears to him.

I want my boys to be more confident than I am. It took me a long time to feel confident about who I am.  When The Bigs were little, I was less secure than I had been in high school.  It was constantly nerve wracking trying to figure out what I needed to do to fit in. 

Overall, I feel pretty confident in most areas.  But, my writing...that's another story.  I put my stories out here for y'all three days a week but I haven't worked on a book in a loooooong time.  It's kinda 'break up with them before the break up with you' thing. If I don't finish it, or start it for that matter, it can't be rejected. 

The only solution is to keep on working.  Or start working in the case of the book.  I think I owe that to the boys and to myself. 

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