Wednesday, October 3, 2018


Y'all! I am so sorry! We were out of school on Monday so my days are off.  My mom texted me yesterday to ask where my blog post was and my first thought was, "It's Monday, no post on Mondays".  But then I remembered, it's actually Tuesday and I had, indeed, missed a post.  I'm sure it's going to be a week of trying to remember what day it actually is.

At lunch on Monday, B-man looked around and realized that Zac wasn't with us. "Where's Zac?" I told him Zac went to the Fair with his friends.  This launched a 20 minute discussion about why B wasn't at the Fair. First we discussed that he actually didn't like the Fair the last time we went.  We talked about why Sam and I didn't want to go to the Fair.  B didn't care.  His teacher had given him a ticket and she was expecting him to be there.  We tried to explain that his teacher didn't give the ticket to just him - all students had received a free ticket to the Fair. If his teacher was at the Fair, she wouldn't be there looking for him.  The Fair was optional.  On and on it went.

Later that night, Ryan got on to the dog for licking Zac's shoes, which I'm sure were coated in fried Fair food goodness.  Apparently, B didn't care for Ryan's tone.  He came over to tell us that Cub just wanted some attention and that we should give him some attention instead of yelling at him.  Ryan and I both said that Cub was not listening when we asked him to stop licking Zac's shoes.  B went on about Cub needing love. Ryan asked him to stop arguing, it was time for bed.

When I was putting B to bed last night he asked me: "Why do people think I'm arguing when I'm just giving statements that I want you to hear?"

Whoa!! So much in that sentence...self awareness, others awareness, seeking to understand.  Man o man!

He went on to mention our lunchtime conversation as well as the conversation about Cub.  We talked about how it comes across as argumentative when he just repeats his points again and again.  Then...

"I'm not trying to be offensive. I just want you to know."

I wish I had asked him why he thinks we aren't listening or knowing.  But I didn't. I coached him on how to talk to Ryan.  "Just say, I'm not trying to be offensive.  Then stop talking."

He couldn't do it.  He went out to Ryan and said "Daddy, I wasn't trying to be offensive." pause "but..."

B-man, stop, that's what we were just talking about.  Just tell Daddy you didn't mean to be offensive then stop talking.

I screwed up. I was so worried about how he was coming across.  I didn't not occur to me until much later that I needed to find out why he thought we weren't listening/learning what he had to say.  I'm going to try to circle back to it with him but I'm not sure we'll get there.  And I'm going to forgive myself for forgetting that his perspective is different than mine. That my job is not to just to help him fit into a world not designed for him but it's also to understand his world. 

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