Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Dog Spells

This story is so unbelievable but, rest assured, this all happened.  This is a perfect glimpse of life with B-man.

When I got home from work Monday, I was tired.  I had a cold last week that I was mostly over but it had worn me down.  As soon as I got home, I laid down on the bed.  B approached...

B: momma, I did a spell on myself and tomorrow I might be a dog. Is that ok?

Me: no but I guess I can't do anything about it now
B: if it works it will just be for 1 day and it wouldn't keep me from going to Mrs Lori's.
Ryan: did you tell Mrs Lori you might be a dog tomorrow.
B: she said it's ok. I have to go to bed as the same time as Cub tonight. It's good dog luck.
Me: ok but we have to get up to take Zac and his friends to work out in the morning
B: Will you still let me ride in the car if I'm a dog? I'll still be your son in my heart.

We go to Sam's Club and all he can talk about is being a dog. In line...

B: can we say a prayer tonight about the whole dog thing? I really want to be a dog. It's a good scientific way to learn about dogs. I did have a bad day dream that it lasted more than a day. I think if it lasts more than a day, Presli will be able to cure me.  I think I will thoroughly enjoy being a dog.

At Sam's Club he wants to buy a dog bed.  I manage to put him off on that one.  But, for real, it's all he can talk about.  When we get in the car, he sings a song...

I do manage to use it to my advantage by convincing him that he needs to trim his toenails.  Dogs need short toenails.  He even goes to bed early in anticipation.  At bed time...

B: I don't think it's going to work
Me: me either buddy
B: I love you no matter what. No matter if I'm a dog or cat or bug I'll always love you
Me: I will love you no matter if you're a dog or a cat or a bug but I think God made you perfect just the way you are
B: do you think it's going to work
Me: no, I don't really believe in spells. God doesn't do spells
B: but he makes tornadoes with his will power
Me: that's his will power not ours
B: if god wanted to he could use his will to take away my instincts, especially grammar - that's the most important one language and replace them with dog instincts.
Me: just don't be mad at God if it doesn't work out
B: I wouldn't! I'll be mad at videos
Me: yep, you watch a lot of videos that aren't great

Before I got to bed, I check on him.  He's asleep in the floor because dogs have trouble getting down bunk ladders.  

You are seeing that correctly.  He's asleep on the floor with dog food and a dog toy beside him.  Also, under that blanket he's naked.  He didn't want to ruin his clothes during his transition.  

You know what's coming next...B did not wake up as a dog Tuesday morning.  He was not happy.

B: Well, I'm not a dog

Me: sorry Bubba. I think you're perfect the way you are. Sorry the people on the video lied to you
B: for real they just trolled me out of nowhere!

To him it was a personal afront that the video didn't work.  I tried to console him but he just wanted to be alone.  I couldn't blame him.  

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